[PDF] Funniest Things Ever Said New eBook

Author : Steven D. Price
Publisher : Rowman & Littlefield
Page : 343 pages
File Size : 49,10 MB
Release : 2019-08-29
Category : Reference
ISBN : 1493041207

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Here are1,237 laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There’s something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue—from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,237 funniest things ever said: “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”—Rita Rudner “I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto.”—Yogi Berra on being told that Joe DiMaggio was to marry Marilyn Monroe “I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.”—Malcolm Forbes “The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then, after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’”—Bill Maher

Author : Steven Price
Publisher : 1001
Page : 344 pages
File Size : 23,75 MB
Release : 2019
Category : Literary Collections
ISBN : 9781493041190

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A collection of the greatest witticisms from the world of politics, show business, sports, and anywhere else people can get a good laugh Here are a thousand and one laugh-out-loud quotes, quips, and jokes, all in one packed-to-the-brim volume. Yes, folks, sit back and enjoy this collection of inadvertent gaffes, thigh-slappers, puns, and everything and anything else that'll tickle your funny bone. There's something old, something new, something stolen, and something blue--from favorite comedians, sports and political figures, and literary wits. There are even giggles for the kids and groaners for the grown-ups. Just a few among the 1,001 funniest things ever said: "So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"--Christina Aguilera "Fame means when your computer modem is broken, the repair guy comes out to your house a little faster." --Sandra Bullock "Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his." --Ronald Reagan

Author : Steven D. Price
Publisher : Rowman & Littlefield
Page : 333 pages
File Size : 45,18 MB
Release : 2006-11-01
Category : Reference
ISBN : 1599216663

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Here are a thousand and one laugh-out-loud quotes, quips and jokes, all in one packed volume. From politicians to sports legends, Hollywood stars to Miss USA contestants, comedians are not the only ones tickling our funny bones and showing us the lighter side of life. *Great impulse buy*The 1001 Series books are Lyons Press bestsellers Steven D. Price, a consulting editor of The Lyons Press, is the author of thirty books including 1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said, 1001 Insults, Put-Downs, and Comebacks, The Best Advice Ever Given, and The Quotable Horse Lover.

Author : All Things Journal
Publisher :
Page : 114 pages
File Size : 14,12 MB
Release : 2019-07-13
Category :
ISBN : 9781080109517

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The Funny Things Friends Say This handy size journal has given you plenty of room to write down all the funny, amusing or moving quotes and sayings that you will love to record and remember your friends by. This beautifully made and bound notebook has a unique and amusing design with a blank page in-between to stop any ink bleed or impression damage. This also gives you extra room for your own comments, thoughts and memories. Product Description: 6"x.9" 112 pages Uniquely designed cover High quality, white paper Matte cover Check out our other great notebooks and journals, by clicking on the "Author Name" link just below the title of this journal. Other Ideas On Who Would Love This Notebook Best Friends Gift Anniversary Gift Wedding Gift Graduation Gift End of School Year Gift Ideal for Nurse Week Gift Thank You Nurse Gift Nurse Appreciation Gift Scroll up and Look Inside and then Click BUY NOW to get this great Notebook TODAY

Author : John Kennedy Toole
Publisher : LSU Press
Page : 636 pages
File Size : 40,14 MB
Release : 2004-09-01
Category : Fiction
ISBN : 9780807130087

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Released by Louisiana State University Press in 1980, A Confederacy of Dunces is nothing short of a publishing phenomenon. Rejected by countless publishers and submitted by the author's mother years after his suicide, the book won the 1981 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. Today there are almost two million copies in print worldwide in eighteen languages. Now, for the first time, John Kennedy Toole's comic masterpiece is available in a large print edition. Toole's lunatic and sage novel introduces one of the most memorable characters in American literature, Ignatius Reilly, whom Walker Percy dubs "slob extraordinaire, a mad Oliver Hardy, a fat Don Quixote, a perverse Thomas Aquinas rolled into one." Set in New Orleans, A Confederacy of Dunces outswifts Swift, one of whose essays gives the book its title. As its characters burst into life, they leave the region and literature forever changed by their presence -- Ignatius and his mother; Miss Trixie, the octogenarian assistant accountant at Levi Pants; inept, wan Patrolman Mancuso; Darlene, the Bourbon Street stripper with a penchant for poultry; Jones the jivecat in spaceage dark glasses. Included here is the introduction that writer and New Orleans resident Andrei Codrescu composed for the book's twentieth anniversary. Set in oversized type for ease in reading, the large print edition will gratify both first-timers seeking to discover this modern-day classic and longtime afficionados wishing to reread a favorite novel.

Author : Steven D. Price
Publisher : Rowman & Littlefield
Page : 353 pages
File Size : 50,57 MB
Release : 2017-09-01
Category : Reference
ISBN : 1493029436

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A collection of stupid utterances, mostly unintentional--although not always--from politics, show business, sports, and anywhere else people can put their feet in their mouths. Based on recorded history, it's safe to say that dumb remarks have been with us since the invention of writing. Young or old, rich or poor, famous or unknown, people of all generations and cultures have seized the opportunity to say something dumb - stupidity has always been an equal opportunity employer. In celebration of such mental lapses and pure idiocy, here is a collection of stupid utterances, unintentional and otherwise, from the worlds of politics, radio, television, newspapers, show business, sports, and literature - and everywhere else people can - and have - put their feet in their mouths.

Author : Rosemarie Jarski
Publisher : Random House
Page : 578 pages
File Size : 14,70 MB
Release : 2010-09-02
Category : Humor
ISBN : 1407079026

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The bestselling, blockbusting, bumper book of humorous quotations rides back into town with 6,000 more hilariously funny quotes. From times past to the modern day, classic funnies to contemporary wit, The Funniest Thing You Never Said 2 delivers an unbeatable selection of fantastic and hilarious quotes on every subject under the sun. Featuring topics as diverse as celebrity to religion, and including a cast of quotees ranging from Oscar Wilde to Homer Simpson, there's something here for everyone with a sense of humour. 'I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.' - Samuel Johnson 'Glastonbury was very wet and muddy. There was trench foot, dysentery, peaches ... all the Geldof daughters.' - Sean Lock 'Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people.' - Richard Nixon 'I've had more women than most people have noses.' - Steve Martin 'I have the simplest tastes. I'm always satisfied with the best.' - Oscar Wilde 'Well, it's 1am. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.' - Homer Simpson 'All I know is I'm not a Marxist.' - Karl Marx 'I'm the pink sheep of the family.' - Alexander McQueen

Author : Ned Vizzini
Publisher : Disney Electronic Content
Page : 452 pages
File Size : 35,25 MB
Release : 2010-09-25
Category : Juvenile Fiction
ISBN : 1423141083

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Like many ambitious New York City teenagers, Craig Gilner sees entry into Manhattan's Executive Pre-Professional High School as the ticket to his future. Determined to succeed at life—which means getting into the right high school to get into the right college to get the right job—Craig studies night and day to ace the entrance exam, and does. That's when things start to get crazy. At his new school, Craig realizes that he isn't brilliant compared to the other kids; he's just average, and maybe not even that. He soon sees his once-perfect future crumbling away.

Author : Michael J. Fox
Publisher : Hachette Books
Page : 71 pages
File Size : 28,37 MB
Release : 2010-04-13
Category : Biography & Autobiography
ISBN : 1401395082

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Michael J. Fox abandoned high school to pursue an acting career, but went on to receive honorary degrees from several universities and garner the highest accolades for his acting, as well as for his writing. In his new book, he inspires and motivates graduates to recognize opportunities, maximize their abilities, and roll with the punches--all with his trademark optimism, warmth, and humor. In A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future, Michael draws on his own life experiences to make a case that real learning happens when "life goes skidding sideways." He writes of coming to Los Angeles from Canada at age eighteen and attempting to make his way as an actor. Fox offers up a comically skewed take on how, in his own way, he fulfilled the requirements of a college syllabus. He learned Economics as a starving artist; an unexpected turn as a neophyte activist schooled him in Political Science; and his approach to Comparative Literature involved stacking books up against their movie versions. Replete with personal stories and hilarious anecdotes, Michael J. Fox's new book is the perfect gift for graduates.